As a hairstylist, I occasionally have requests from guests to adjust the color within a couple days of the service. They loved it when they were in the salon, but it looked different at home, or in the elevator, or in the bathroom at work. It happens. I understand. What is tricky sometimes, is when a guest requests a change because their significant other doesn't like it. For a long time, this reason for adjusting color bothered me. I would want to make the guest happy, but part of me would wonder, whose hair is it, anyway?
I am about to get personal here. I was in a long term relationship when I started cosmetology school. I also was in a long hair phase. My boyfriend loved my waist length hair, and despite my future career, he didn't understand why I wanted to start going shorter with my cut. He even went so far to say I wasn't skinny enough to wear short hair. I think I was a size 6 at the time. While we were dating, I never went shorter than chin length, but he hated it. He didn't understand why I had to change so much. I was afraid to admit to my peers that I couldn't go any shorter without upsetting my boyfriend. I know what they would have said about it, collectively. Whose hair is it, anyway?
After my boyfriend and I inevitably broke up, I waited a month, and then went for the short cut I wanted and deserved. I felt more confident in my look than ever before, and people around me noticed. I was determined to never let someone else dictate my appearance again. I also felt like I needed to share my story with other women that kept the same hairstyle because it was what their partner wanted for them. I thought I was helping these women, empowering them. Instead, I scared some of them off.
Fast forward to this week. I am in a great new relationship. Of course, my new boyfriend wants to know my opinion about his hair. I wasn't shy about letting him know that it could look better. Then, he asked me to recommend a new stylist for him (since I don't cut hair) and he even asked me to come along so I could tell the stylist how I wanted his hair to be cut. I was a little hesitant at first, worried about being "that girlfriend," and whether the stylist would wonder whose hair was it, anyway?
Despite my initial reservations, I went along with my boyfriend and helped him explain how I wanted his hair to change. The stylist didn't seem to mind, and it did look great after. The next day, my boyfriend got a lot of attention at work; the new cut was a hit. He owned it, although he was sure to mention to people that it was my idea.
Now, I have to think again about who influences us, and the changes we make or not. It can be a healthy thing, to respond to suggestions from partners and peers. I think the most important thing, though, is that it is a positive experience, and not a limiting one. It is your hair, after all.
